People Cannot Decide Whether This Dad Is The A-Hole For "Abandoning" His Daughter The Day Before Their Family Vacation (2024)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a family vacation simply cannot occur without at least a little bit of drama.

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That's exactly what happened here with redditor u/Flat-Blueberry-4469 and his family. In a post to r/AmItheAsshole titled, "AITA for abandoning my daughter on vacation?" he explained the drama that unfolded between him, his wife, and his daughter on their recent family trip. Let's get into the story, shall we?

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"My wife and I have always dreamed of celebrating our 40th anniversary with a luxurious vacation. Just the two of us, reliving the romance of our early years. We had it all planned out for years now and were excited beyond words. Enter our adult daughter Jane. Jane and her husband got wind of our plans and promptly invited themselves and their two children (9F, 5M) along. I originally put my foot down and told them this trip was just for us, which upset her some. But my wife has a hard time saying no to Jane, as she is the youngest of our children and our only daughter, and she didn't want to hurt her feelings, so she reluctantly agreed to let them join."

"I wasn't thrilled about it at the time, but I wanted to make my family happy, and I knew my wife was also okay with the idea of a 'family' trip even if she was heartbroken we wouldn't get our romantic trip. We went along with it. The place we were originally going was not child-friendly, so we changed course and decided on an all-inclusive, family-friendly resort. We paid for the resort and our grandchildren's plane tickets. Jane and her husband only had to pay for their own airfare."

Time for the plot twist, y'all. "Here's where things get complicated. As the vacation got closer, I started having a change of heart. I realized that our 40th anniversary was a once-in-a-lifetime milestone, and I wanted to honor it in a way that was true to our original plans. My wife and I might not be able to afford a trip like this again for quite some time, and it's something we always wanted to do. So, without consulting anyone, I switched our tickets last minute to go to the romantic destination that my wife and I had originally planned for. I did not tell Jane or her husband. I didn't even tell my wife until the day before our flight left, which was a day before Jane's flight left for their vacation. It wasn't an easy decision, and I feel guilty about it. But, I wanted our 40th anniversary to be the special, intimate celebration we had always hoped for."

"We called Jane after we landed to tell her, and she was extremely upset to say the least. She seemed of the idea that we were going to look after our grandkids so she and her husband could have alone time, and now that I abandoned her, they would have to do it all themselves. I hung up on them when my son-in-law started shouting. My wife and I enjoyed the rest of our trip."

"They came back the same day we did but have not answered any of our texts, and Jane seems to be ignoring me. My wife told me she vastly preferred our trip to the family trip we would have taken, but she still doesn't like how Jane is mad at us and wants me to apologize. I'm not sure I want to after learning Jane and her husband were using us for free babysitting and a free trip, but I feel like I should just do it to keep the peace." Finally, they asked the age old question, "Am I the asshole for changing our trip destination last minute and leaving Jane and her family to fend for themselves?"

As always, people were not shy to share their opinions on who was in the wrong here. There were some controversial takes, and people were pretty divided on who was actually in the wrong here. What everyone could seemingly agree on was that the daughter was, in fact, being super selfish:

In case you're unfamiliar with AITA, the results are: YTA = you're the asshole, NTA = not the asshole, and EHS = everyone here sucks.

"NTA. You essentially paid for her holiday. If you then go elsewhere, then that's up to you — you have no obligation to tell her or check with her first. She has no right to expect you to be her babysitter on your 40-year wedding anniversary trip! Jane needs to check her entitlement. Funny how she wanted time with her husband without the kids but didn’t think you and your wife would want that on such a special occasion.

The thing she doesn't understand or take into account either is that I am sure over those 40 years and with three children, you and your wife have already made many compromises to put your kids before you (you sound like the kind of amazing parents that would). It's now time for her to give back and make sure you and your wife get to enjoy some of those things you have missed out on. I'm glad you and your wife enjoyed yourselves, happy anniversary! 🍾🥂"

—No_Initiative_8480

"NTA and your daughter flat out admitting she was planning to have you two be on babysitting duties during YOUR ANNIVERSARY vacation so her and her husband can get some alone time is so extremely selfish. Seems like you have catered to her needs a bit too much, and she has gotten the idea that YOUR world revolves mainly around her (maybe because she is your youngest?). But she is adult person in a relationship with kids now, so she should understand that you have your own relationship and life outside of being her parent.

You did the smart thing, OP. If I were in your place, I'd leave the reach out to Jane to see when she will try to contact you. Communicate all this with your wife, too. It is unfair what they had planned for your vacation and especially when they knew you wanted alone time. You paid for their kids holiday, too, so you should be entirely guilt-free about changing your plans."

—u/atealein

However, people also called out the dad for being in the wrong, too, saying that his last-minute change of plans was a total A-hole move:

"Sorry, but I have to go ESH. I mean, clearly Jane was the asshole, inviting herself, her husband, and her two kids along on what was supposed to be a milestone anniversary vacation. And her expecting you to babysit so she had a romantic vacation makes me absolutely f*cking cringe. You raised an entitled brat, though sometimes how kids turn out has little to do with their parents.

Buton the other hand:That guilt? Yeah, that’s you knowing the answer to your question. Now, let’s be clear: Sometimes we have to be the asshole. Sometimes we have to take action without telling anyone or without being above board. Sometimes we have to spring a surprise on someone who was completely unsuspecting. But that doesn’t mean we’re not assholes for doing it. Rather than put your foot down and set boundaries, you kinda took the chicken sh*t way out of not telling anyone until it was too late for anyone to do anything about it. And honestly, I’m cheering you on for doing it. But it is an asshole move."

—u/w3woody

"ESH. Jane and her husband suck the most for attempting to hijack your anniversary trip as a family get-together in which they'd use you as free babysitting.

Your wife sucks for siding with Jane rather than standing up with you for the romantic couple's vacation that you'd envisioned and desired.

And, finally, you suck for telling everyone you were doing one thing, and at the last minute, unilaterally pulling the rug out from under them and not conferring with anyone — including your wife. If the answer to Jane was 'no,' that's fine, but own it and say 'no' rather than pull a bait-and-switch trick at the last minute.

You all deserver each other."

—u/DueIsland2983

"ESH. Yes, you should have been firm initially, but you caved in. So then sneaking around and changing all the plans without telling your daughter — or even asking your wife — was absurd. Now everyone's angry and upset."

—u/changelingcd

I'm curious — do you think the dad was an A-hole in this scenario? If you were in his position, would you do the same thing? Sound off about it in the comments below and let us know.

Note: Submissions and comments have been edited for length and/or clarity.